Stop trying to please everyone and find out 5 mistakes you make while being a people-pleasing person.
If you want to please everyone, there are probably mistakes that you’re doing right now that negatively impact your life. Besides learning how to stop pleasing everyone, in today’s article you’ll find out the 5 mistakes you’re currently making when you’re trying to please those around you.
Mistake #1: You’re putting yourself on the second place
Many times in our lives as humans we let ourselves influenced by others emotions, actions and happenings. Sometimes by wanting to be kind we put ourselves on the second place, just to make someone feel better or just to help. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be by your loved ones side, but most of the times you must realise that YOU own the most important place in your heart. Therefore, for you to be the best version of yourself, you must find yourself and realise that if you want to be good to others you first must be good to you.
However, putting yourself on the second place is a mistake that everyone of us has made at least once. There comes the question: How do we fix this?
Understand that in order for you to lead a happy life, you have to allow yourself full priority. You should always come first because friendships or relationships should not be about sacrificing on a daily basis. There are situations of course when we all sacrifice something for our friends when we feel we need to, however it shouldn’t be common practice.
If you put yourself on the first place, you will be happier and ready to offer even more of yourself to your loved ones. You won’t feel you ever regret something that you did for them because it came from a place of being equal to them in that situation.
Mistake #2: You’re not dedicating enough time for your own growth
You are not selfish if you refuse someone just because you want to have time for yourself. I have learned from my experience that it is best for me if I stop trying to please everyone.
Firstly, if you always say “yes” people will take your time and you won’t be able to focus on your own growth. After all, we need time to focus on our goals, emotions and moreover, we have to relax from time to time. Working 24/7 is extremely overwhelming for everyone and it is even hard to find time to spend with our families. By accepting to help and please everyone around you, not only you consume yourself, but also you won’t have time or you you will be too tired to celebrate your own achievements.
Therefore, you might ask yourself : How can I stop trying to please everyone?
Your answer stands in the two Fs I created for you :
- Focus on yourself
Firstly, you must take into consideration my first piece of advice: put yourself on the first place. Think about your goals and how to achieve them. Find the time that you need in order to put all of your thoughts together. Breathe in, breathe out and fill yourself with confidence. Moreover, you must realise that once you focus on your needs, you will be able to help others too.
- Find yourself
The second step in my two Fs theory is to find yourself. Once you focused on what made you feel accomplished it is time to discover ways to make everything work. Once you unleashed what the best version of you looks like it is now time to create it. Find your inner peace and make time for YOU! Become aware of your own internal world, and make a change. At the end of the day, if you still find time for others, go for it! Being kind always made an impact on one’s life.
Mistake #3: You feel like you’re running a marathon
Another thing you should consider while you stop trying to please everyone is how energy consuming is this people-pleasing marathon.
In reality, you’re not pleasing everyone because it’s impossible. You might be feeling like running a marathon because all of your efforts might be in vain at the end. After all, you over-function in your relationships when you do too much for others, which eventually causes others to under-function. While your motives are fine, they might eventually undermine your relationships’ overall effectiveness.
If you want to stop feeling tired, try to understand that you will not please everyone. Ever. You should preserve your time and energy. Moreover, you should start functioning for yourself and realise that the only thoughts and feelings that you can change are your own.
Mistake #4: You feel unhappy and always questioning your ability to please others
When you are trying to stop pleasing everyone you will realise how much unhappiness these actions bought you.
When we do a favour to someone or when we just try to help them with something, we might start overthinking our ability to please others. “Have I done enough?”, “Maybe I should help them more” are examples of thoughts that come into our mind immediately after helping others out. These dark thoughts only harm us and make us start questioning ourselves. Feeling unhappy and not sure if your friends are pleased with you are overwhelming sentiments and emotions, but I will help you as much as I can with a piece of advice.
Here’s how to fix this: If you always question your ability to please others, it means that you’re always worried that they will be upset. This comes from your insecurities. When you’re unsure, your life becomes quite a mess. Build up your confidence and realise that you tried, realise that even the smallest of deeds matter. As soon as you start believing in yourself, this overwhelming and overthinking problem shall stop.
Mistake #5: You concentrate on all of the things they haven’t done for you
If you’re doing too much, it’s human nature to expect something back, maybe equal or less impressive. It’s quite a destructive mindset which can be controlled, but usually the more things you do, the more expectations you’ll have, maybe without realising this.
Here’s how to stop pleasing everyone and focus on yourself: always remember that when you did something good, you did because you really wanted to. You didn’t sacrifice yourself or your time to do so. It’s important that you realise that no one is asking you to sacrifice yourself for them. It’s just you who is thinking that way.
All things considered, what was the biggest mistake you made while trying to please everyone? And how would you fix it?